Friday, June 01, 2012

Diary of a Real Pregnancy - Week 5: Fear and Trepidation in my Uterus

Wasn't that a clever play on the movie title? Ehh? EHH? No? Yeah well my brain is mush now so shut up.

At this point I'm really starting to think this whole thing was just crazy. I'm also wondering if it's even real. Aside from the fact that I've gotten a positive pregnancy test (or 3... *cough*), and my period hasn't arrived, I feel normal. Too normal... The sore boobs have eased up, I'm still tired exhausted but HELLO: I'm a mom of two young kids... they wear me out! Things all seem... normal. For now. Nosebleeds, headaches, randomly blanking out and forgetting the names of things... I mean, sure, they're symptoms but they're just a bunch of things that could hit me on any random, non-pregnant day, right?

OHholycrapI'mpregnantOMG. *ahem* What was I saying?

Granted, at this point I'm taking prenatal vitamins, which makes it seem a little more real than it otherwise would. Especially since those huge suckers (do they really need to be horse pills??) make me throw up every time I take one. Awesome! I've since figured out I can take them at night with no ill side effects, other than standing in the bathroom gagging because seriously, they are stupidbig. Someone needs to do something about this... inventors, are you listening? Prenatals that don't make you choke? Too much to ask? Oh don't suggest that I take the smaller prescription ones that you need to take 3x/day... have I mentioned my brain is mush? Who could keep all that pill-taking straight in this frame of mind?

It's truly amazing / annoying / incredible what goes on in these early weeks and months, before you're even at liberty to tell anyone what's going on. Oh and you really have to resist telling people because it feels like it's written all over you. Can't they see I'm wearing my fat pants? Aren't these purple under-eye circles a dead giveaway? She just looked at me funny... does she know?? Plus it would be nice to explain why you're being such a moron with simple tasks like spelling and uhm, remembering... you know... what's the word... stuff. And I swear The Hubs forgets that I'm pregnant sometimes, what with all the not-offering-to-do-stuff-for-me and the not-rubbing-my-feet and what-not (seriously!), and I want to say "How could you forget.... it's ALL I think about!!". Sure I look normal on the outside but inside? It's a hormone tsunami in there, mister.

And every time you sit down to pee, which is happening more and more frequently, there's The Fear. The fear that when you wipe, you will see red. I think about this alot. And then try not to think about it. Because we all know far too many people who have been through that whole gong show, and it's terrifying to think that so many pregnancies end before they even get started. It happens to SO many women... it can happen to anyone. So yes, I check the TP when I wipe, but I hold my breath and cross my fingers when I do (which is harder than it sounds), and so far so good. *knocking on wood*

Previous: Week 4: Finding Out
Next: Week 6: Exhaustion